I was a patient of Dr. Esther, diagnosed with anxiety disorder with occasional panic attack. I got prescribed medication which is lexapro 10mg daily and Xanax 0.5 PrN. Currently im was in situation 12 weeks pregnancy, gravida 1 para 0. My next appointment with Dr. Esther will be on 22 july 2025.These 1st trimester quite challenging for me as i need to fight with my anxiety symptoms + morning sickness. I do aware about hormone changes that can affected my mood and emotion. Unfortunately since 1st day of knowing that im pregnant, there was a lot of incident happened in my family. Due to extremely stress that i've faced without any support from people serrounding.  I noticed a big changes in my mood, physical reaction and my uncontrolled action. My condition was not improve but became worst during my pregnancy.I failed to control my anger , my emotion was high up to the sky. My body feel tense, muscle pain, tachycardia,  headache and etc. I started being violence hurting my self,  and others.- 1st question is, why i couldn't feel and realised when i injured myself? 1 of my friend told me that i was skipping topic to something else, saying something out of context a few second then back to the real topic. He even told me i did scolded and cursed him few second than back to real topic that we discuss again like nothing happened. Im honestly did not realised the changes, i did not remember when did i scolded him or curse him. He told me that i spoke to somebody else and back to him again. Fact nobody was around, only us. I did not remember when did i spoke to the " invisible thing" like he described.All these happened just recently after i had very major emotional and physical damage. I do have suicidal though sometimes but my anxiety won't allow me to die. this situation put me restless and scared that something might happen without i realised it. 2nd : Am i out of my mind? Spilt personality? Schizophrenia?I was advised not to take lexapro since 5 weeks of pregnancy.  Now i just rely on xanax 0.5 PRN. Recently i took a few times of half tablet due to physical tense that i had and its helps to calm my brain, improve my sleep and emotion as well. - 3rd : Is that safe to take xanax frequently during pregnancy? Should i continue to take my lexapro since i already stop during 5 weeks of pregnancy as per advised by doctor.- 4th : What is your advise for me to retain still since my appointment still took 3 weeks more to go. Kindly guide me as i am scared to death i might be out of my mind doing something out of my consciousness. Thank you so much.